Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

You too can be a Tiger Mom!

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

In case you’ve been visiting Mars for the past month or so, Penguin Press has just published a parenting book called Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, written by a Chinese American professor at Yale Law School.

Anyone in the ever-shrinking world of publishing will tell you that the key to making money is to publish “water cooler” books — books that people can’t wait to talk about at break time.

Well, Professor Chua, mission accomplished!

To be honest, I haven’t read the book, nor do I plan to. I’ve read bits and pieces in the Wall Street Journal and Time magazine, but I’ll be the first to admit that my opinion is based on next to nothing. (Not that I’ve ever let that stand in my way…)

Here’s my Cliff Notes version of what I gather Professor Chua is saying:

Hey, all you lazy and overindulgent non-Asian parents out there! Look at me! I’m Chinese, and I’m a professor at Yale Law School! I’ve got two kids, and they’re awesomely successful. They get all A’s in school, and they play the piano really, really well! And what’s more, they’re both unbelievably well-behaved!

Why is my life so great? It’s because I was raised by “traditional” (i.e., batshit crazy disciplinarian) Chinese parents! How did I raise such great kids? You guessed it — by being a “traditional” Chinese parent!

But wait, there’s more!

Maybe it’s too late for you — but not for your kids!

You too can raise awesome children by becoming a “traditional” Chinese parent. For the low, low price of $25.95 (marked down to $14.27 on amazon.com), you can buy your own copy of my book and learn how to browbeat (I mean, motivate) your children to excellence!

Lord knows Professor Chua has received enough hate mail (including some death threats), so I’m going to cut her some slack. I read in an interview that she intended the book to be tongue-in-cheek — kind of a rueful and humorously exaggerated look back at how easily her “traditional” parenting techniques were thwarted by her children.

Maybe…

Anyway, what bugs me personally about the book is that it cashes in big time on Yellow Peril, White Fright, and the stereotyped characterizations of Asian children as overachieving automatons and Asian parents as goal-obsessed monsters.

Here’s a thought experiment: Would this book have gotten anywhere near the same traction if the ethnicity of the author had been concealed?

I guess you know my answer.

Thought for the Day

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

I used to think that white parents want their kids to be happy, and Korean parents want their kids to be doctors.

Now that I’m older, I realize that Korean parents also want their kids to be happy.

It’s just that Korean parents can’t conceive of how their kids can be happy if they’re not doctors.

The Greatest Gift…

Friday, December 25th, 2009

My indescribably beautiful daughter, who is going to be turning 7 in ten days, wanted to know if I thought she was funny-looking.

When I asked her what she meant, she told me that we should look at her class picture hanging on the wall.  (Of the 21 kids in her class, 2 are Asian American, 4 are Latino, and 15 are European American.)

She told me that she was funny-looking because of her eyes — her sparkling, intelligent eyes, filled with endless wonder.

I wanted to argue with her.  I wanted to prove to her with indisputable logic how exactly the opposite of funny-looking she truly is.

But then I remembered how little it helped all those years ago when my parents tried, in their own way, to do the same thing when I came home in tears.

So instead of talking, I listened.

Lord knows I’ve got a long way to go in becoming the father my daughter deserves.

But something deep inside of me tells me that the greatest gift a parent can give a child, or for that matter any human being can give to another human being, is to shut up and listen, really listen, to what they have to say.

Happy holidays…

For the love of God, after you buy that new LCD-TV…

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

In a particularly cruel manifestation of the Law of Unintended Consequences, even though those new big-screen LCD-TVs are safer for children than older cathode ray tube TVs, the number of children’s deaths resulting from falling televisions is up.

Link to Article.

There are a number of reasons that big-screen LCD-TVs are safer than older TVs — LCD-TVs are not as front-heavy, and are often mounted securely to the wall with the electrical cords hidden from view.  Also, there aren’t any obvious knobs or buttons on the front of the TV for a curious child to pull at.

All well and good.

But sadly, it turns out that displaced CRT-TVs are finding new homes on top of rickety tables or chests of drawers, where they are poised for disaster.

I’m a big fan of continuing to use outdated electronic equipment, rather than adding it to the landfill.

But in this holiday season, if you’re lucky enough to score a new LCD-TV or computer monitor, please, please, please find a safe place for the old one.

How to Be an Asian Father (Reprint)

Monday, June 22nd, 2009
  1. Walk around the house in your boxer shorts.
  2. Burp.
  3. Never, never, never ask for directions.
  4. Never, never, never read instructions.
  5. Act really embarrassed when your son displays emotion.
  6. Yell.
  7. Yell some more.
  8. When you’re not yelling, scowl.
  9. When you’re not yelling or scowling, sit on the couch in your boxer shorts watching sports you know nothing about.
  10. When you’re not yelling, scowling, or sitting on the couch in your boxer shorts watching sports you know nothing about, work your butt off at a thankless job taking crap from racist jerks so that your kids can have a better life than you did.

Happy Father’s Day.

(First published at www.geekyasianguy.com on June 15, 2008.)

Why Are Dads Such A**holes?

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

I was at a hotel swimming pool two days ago.  There’s a little boy (maybe 4-5 years old) playing in the shallow end with his mom.  The boy’s father is swimming in the deep end.

The father swims into the shallow end, picks up the boy, and starts swimming back into the deep end.

The father is a reasonably strong swimmer, and it doesn’t appear for a second that the boy is in any danger.

But the boy is terrified — he screams, cries, and begs to be taken back into the shallow end.

The father continues to swim.  The boy screams even louder.

The mother starts yelling:  Matt, stop that!

But it turns out that Matt is the boy’s name, and the mother is yelling for her son to stop crying.

When they return to the shallow end, the boy is sobbing.  The mother says that it’s time to go.

When he hears that, the boy starts shrieking — No, I want to stay!

The mother, visibly annoyed, tells the boy that they’re not going to stay if he’s not going to “swim” with his dad.

Defeated, the boy let’s his father take him for another ride into the deep end.  He’s still crying, but it’s more of a whimper…

Talent Is Overrated

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

Growing up, I spent way too much time and energy worrying about whether I was talented — hoping that I was some kind of genius, but fearing that I was a complete fraud.

Now that I’m older, I’ve come to understand that the truest indication of talent is the ability to pour an endless amount of time and attention into something.

Unfortunately, I had it all backwards — I grew up thinking that spending as little time as possible on something and doing reasonably well at it was a sign of talent.

But that’s not talent.  That’s ego.

Unconditional Love and Self-Esteem Are Way Overrated…

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

Would your parents love you more if your grades were better?  Would they love you less if your grades were worse?

I’ve never conducted a scientific survey.  But I would bet a lot of money that the majority of Asian American kids would answer yes to both questions, and the majority of white kids would answer no.

How happy are you with yourself?

My guess is that an awful lot of AA kids would answer “not very.”

Hey — maybe that’s the secret to getting your kid to do well in school…

Suck it, Dr. Phil!

Geek Parenting Tip: Duck!

Friday, June 27th, 2008

You find out what true love is between a parent and child the day you accidentally clock your five-year-old daughter in the head with a Wii controller, and she forgives you.

The hard part is figuring out how to forgive yourself…

(Oh, yeah, explaining it to your wife isn’t that easy either…)

How to Be an Asian Father

Sunday, June 15th, 2008
  1. Walk around the house in your boxer shorts.
  2. Burp.
  3. Never, never, never ask for directions.
  4. Never, never, never read instructions.
  5. Act really embarrassed when your son displays emotion.
  6. Yell.
  7. Yell some more.
  8. When you’re not yelling, scowl.
  9. When you’re not yelling or scowling, sit on the couch in your boxer shorts watching sports you know nothing about.
  10. When you’re not yelling, scowling, or sitting on the couch in your boxer shorts watching sports you know nothing about, work your butt off at a thankless job taking crap from racist jerks who don’t know or care what country you come from so that your kids can have a better life than you did.

Happy Father’s Day.