The Geeky Asian Guy Blog

Some things *not* to do the next time you go to a party attended by a significant number of non-Geeks (i.e., one or more):

1. Don’t arrive early.  And by early, I mean, don’t arrive within the first hour or two.  If the party is announced to start at 8pm, fight the urge to arrive at 8:01.  Aim for 10pm, or even 10:30.  (On the other hand, if it’s a Geek party, you should arrive no later than 7:45 to make sure that you get dibs on the good game controller.)
2. Don’t latch onto one victim — I mean, partygoer — for the entire evening.  Circulation is everything.  Remember, that’s the primary reason for food at a party:  to give you an excuse to stop talking to people.  “It was nice talking to you, but I’ve got to get some guacamole before it turns completely brown…”  The correlative is that if someone you’re talking to goes for the food, you should immediately start talking to someone else — *anyone* else.
3. Don’t monologue.  (That’s a verb, isn’t it?)  It’s usually a bad sign if you’ve been the only person talking for the past ten minutes.  Especially if the last person got up from the couch nine minutes ago.
4. Try to avoid pointing out flaws in other people’s knowledge of Star Trek collectibles or obscure operating systems.
5. If someone asks you a question that can be answered either with a single sentence or with a whole bunch of sentences, well, you know…  (See Rule 3.)
6. If an attractive person seems to be making eye contact with you, take a quick look around to make sure that they’re not making eye contact with the television.
7. If you’re stuck for something to talk about, remember that the universally accepted opening question is:  “So, how do you know [the host's name]?”  The correlative to this rule is that you should know the name of your host, beyond the name of their Everquest avatar.
8. If you consume alcohol, be sure to throw up completely into the toilet.  Oh, and make sure it’s a toilet and not the sant’gria.
9. Stay a reasonable amount of time.  It’s generally considered bad form to dash into a party, pick all the pepperoni off of the pizza, yawn loudly, and tell everyone on your way out the door that you’re camping out for the new iPhone.
10. Once you’ve stayed a reasonable amount of time, leave.  If you’re the only one left, but the host insists that you don’t have to go, they’re totally lying.  Trust me.

Finally, try to look like you’re having a good time!  Remember, parties are supposed to be fun.  That’s what I hear, anyway.