Posts Tagged ‘China’

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What’s the Chinese word for “chutzpah”?

Friday, June 11th, 2010

In China, a man named Lu split up with his wife.  Then, deciding that he no longer wanted to raise their two-year-old son, Mr. Lu sold the boy online to a couple in Beijing.

Mr. Lu subsequently reconciled with his wife, leading to what has to have been the Mother of All Awkward Conversations:

“Mommy’s home!  Come here, little precious!  Little precious?”

“Honey, I’ve got good news and bad news.  The good news is that I was finally able to make a down payment on that backhoe I’ve had my eye on…”

In a breathtakingly brazen attempt to get his son back, Mr. Lu contacted the police and accused the Beijing couple of child trafficking.

After the smoke cleared, Mr. Lu was convicted of child abandonment, receiving a 6-month suspended sentence and 1-year probation.

The Beijing couple was found to have done nothing wrong.  However, the 18000 RMB (approx. $2,600) that the couple paid for the child was “confiscated” by the authorities.

Link to Article

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In other news, bears sh*t in woods…

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

News flash from China:   Some Chinese people are [gasp!] racist.

Given that over 1 billion people live in China, you would think that there might be room for one woman with a Chinese mother and an African American father, particularly if that one woman is a drop-dead gorgeous 20-year-old who speaks flawless Chinese.

You might want to check with Chinese reality-TV phenom Lou Jing, who rocketed to fame as a result of her multi-week stint on the singing competition “Go Oriental Angel”:

Thanks to the internet, Ms. Lou doesn’t have to guess what the Chinese people think about her. She has received a large number of emails telling her that she isn’t Chinese, and that she should leave the country. (Although if they really wanted her to suffer, they would demand that she stay in China…)

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Blogging from China: Ugliness at the Buffet

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

The hotel has an above-average breakfast buffet.  Maybe 8.0 on a 10.0 point scale.

So yesterday, at breakfast, a large white guy is standing in front of the toaster.  He towers over the woman he is talking to — one of the Chinese restaurant workers.

The white guy says:

“You really need to get a new toaster, because this one iS A PIECE OF SHIT!”

He doesn’t notice me (or, more likely, doesn’t care).

Man, this is something I’ve dreamed of for years — my chance to say something rude in perfect American English to some jerky white guy who isn’t expecting it, and who thoroughly deserves it.

Like:

“Well, you oughta know about shit, seeing as how you’re such a huge ASSHOLE!”

Or:

“Why don’t you leave this woman alone and go back to beating the crap out of your wife and children?

Or even:

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

But I’m speechless.

America’s number one export:  Entitlement.

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Blogging from China: Restaurant Irony

Monday, October 19th, 2009

China has the worst takeout containers I have ever seen.

If only, if only there was some way to mass-produce a cheap, sturdy, paperboard food container…perhaps with fold-down, locking top flaps and a wire handle…maybe even a cheesy drawing of a dragon…

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Blogging from China: Signage Hilarity

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Okay, I know, it’s not cool to make fun of Chinese people grappling with the English language.

But look at the emergency instructions mounted to my hotel door in Hunan Province:

sign_hilarity

Roget, eat your heart out!

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Blogging from China: Restaurant Hilarity

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

In China, when you go to a restaurant (even a not very nice one), the first thing they ask you is what kind of tea you want.

You would not believe how many options there are.  At better restaurants, they give you a multi-page tea menu, which as far as I’m concerned is just another great, big opportunity to embarrass myself.

At one restaurant, I told the server that I didn’t want tea.  This, apparently, is a hugely weird thing to do.

After the server recovered her composure, she asked what I wanted instead.

I said, in horrible Mandarin Chinese:

“I’d like a Coca Cola, please.”

And she said, without missing a beat:

“Is Pepsi all right?”

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Blogging from China

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

Here I am in a spiffy hotel in Changsha, the capital of Hunan Province.

If you are a geek, and you are planning a trip to the PRC, here are some random travel tips, in no particular order:

  1. In order to get through airport security in both the US and in the PRC, you’re going to have to take your notebook computer out and have it x-rayed separately at least 3-4 times.  Do yourself a favor, and make sure that all of your notebook computers are easily accessible, and can be returned to safety with a minimum of repacking.
  2. X-rays haven’t seemed to have harmed the data on my hard drive, but you would be well advised to keep copies of important data on some other form of storage (like a CD, memory stick, etc.).
  3. Travel adapters are, by and large, worthless.  (You might want to keep that in mind at Christmas time, and while browsing at Brookstone.)  It turns out that the ones my wife bought at Target have prongs that are too fat to fit into the wall outlets at the hotel.  In any event, the adapters were unnecessary, because the hotel provided us with an adapter that works just fine.  Also, you can plug a two-prong outlet directly into the wall, without any adapter.
  4. Further to the above — adapters are not converters!  Make sure that whatever you plug in is rated for voltages up to at least 220V.  (Look for some printing on the device that says 110V-240V, or something like that.)  Almost all chargers for notebooks, PDAs, etc., don’t require a converter, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!
  5. If you really need 110V, you’re going to have to buy a converter, and bring it with you.
  6. A lot of hotels in China provide wired internet — they will provide an ethernet cable for you, so you don’t have to bring one.
  7. You don’t have to bring a router — assuming you have at least one notebook with both an ethernet network card and wireless, you can convert that notebook into a wireless router by building an “ad hoc” network.
  8. Skype rocks!  I’ve been calling folks back in the US for 3 cents a minute.  (Be sure to bring a headset with you.)
  9. Some sites are blocked, including YouTube (sigh!).  You can get around this, by using a virtual private network (VPN), but so far I haven’t bothered.
  10. A lot of people are going to be amused if you look Asian but can’t speak Chinese.  (Often, they will assume that you are Korean.)

More later!

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Tool Tip: Before you throw away those kids’ magnets…

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

Hey, you know those super-powerful kids’ magnets?  Here’s a picture:

Danger, Will Robinson!

Danger, Will Robinson!

They’re sold under various names, usually including the word “Mag” or “Stix.”

The tiny magnets are made out of neodymium (yes, that’s a real element), and they’re unbelievably strong.

The first thing you should know is that they are super-dangerous, especially if the tiny magnets get separated from the plastic part.  Kids have been known to swallow them.  Swallowing one magnet isn’t great, but swallowing two or more can be deadly, because they can stick together through an intestinal wall.

But the second thing you should know is that they can be a lifesaver!  (Well, not literally, I suppose…)

The other day, I was fixing my dishwasher, and I dropped a Torx screw down a hole that led into the chopper motor housing.

Oops.

I tried getting the thing out with a pair of chopsticks (gaak! — I hope no one was watching), but that was hopeless.

I briefly considered:

  1. Trying to run the dishwasher to see if the Torx screw was really going to mess up the chopper motor.
  2. Taking apart the entire bottom section of the dishwasher to get into the chopper motor housing.
  3. Buying a new dishwasher.

Each option had its drawbacks…

But then I remembered my daughter’s magnets!  She has the kind where each magnetic stick has an arc shape, with four sticks forming a ring.

I took one of the rings, rearranged the sections to form a “snake,” and lowered it down the hole.

snake

Presto!  Seconds later, the wayward Torx screw was dangling at the end of the snake.

Hey, maybe some of those cheapo toys coming out of China aren’t total crap, after all!

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Maybe Jackie Chan Should Stop Doing His Own Stunts

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

Seriously, I love Jackie Chan, but he’s talking like he’s gotten one too many roundhouse kicks to the head.

Here are some gems from the annual Boao Forum in Boao, China, where Jackie was participating in a panel discussion about censorship and restrictions on filmmakers in China:

“I’m not sure if it’s good to have freedom or not.”

“I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled.  If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”

The problem with Chinese youth is that “they like other people’s things.  They don’t like their own things.”

Chan’s remarks drew applause from the audience of business leaders.

I can’t say I disagree with every single thing that Jackie said.  Like this nugget of wisdom:

“If I need to buy a TV, I’ll definitely buy a Japanese TV.  A Chinese TV might explode.”

And when it does, I’m sure Jackie won’t be using a stunt double.

Link to Article

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My Movie Idea

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

How about this storyline for a feature-length film:

Somewhere in China, a low-income couple have a daughter, but desperately want a son.  Under the “one child” policy, they are allowed one more try.  This time, their prayers are answered — it’s a boy.  After the birth, the man has a vasectomy, as required by law.

Tragedy strikes — the boy dies after 3 months.

The local family planning official tells them:  “Stop crying — you can always buy another.”

Sure enough, a short time later, the couple spots a boy at a Buddhist temple.  The man with the boy (who is wearing clothes that are too small, and who can’t speak the local dialect) says that he is the boy’s father, and that he has three other boys at home.  The boy’s mother is gravely ill, but the man doesn’t have enough money to take her to the hospital.

The couple takes the hint, and after some quick negotiations, agrees to buy the boy for $3,500 (knocking $600 off the asking price).  They somehow manage to raise this astronomical sum of money from family and friends in a few short hours, and they take the boy home.

They love the boy dearly.  The couple takes their daughter out of school so that she can help care for her new brother.

Several months go by.  Then the police show up.

It turns out that the man who sold the boy to the couple wasn’t the boy’s father after all — he’s a kidnapper.  The couple feigns shock and surprise.  The boy is taken away and reunited with his parents.

But the story doesn’t end there. 

The boy’s parents are so thrilled to have him back, and so grateful that the boy has been obviously well cared for, they stay in touch with the couple.

And the boy’s parents have said that they will help the couple find another boy to buy…

I just wish it were fiction: Link to Article

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