Why Korean is so hard to learn…

January 23rd, 2011

There are a whole bunch of reasons. But here’s one tiny example.

Years ago, I saw The Joy Luck Club in a movie theater.

(Spoiler Alert: You might want to skip the rest of this post if you haven’t seen the movie yet.)

Anyway, at the end of the movie the main character, June (Jing-Mei), travels to China to meet the older twin sisters that she never knew she had.

Finally face to face with her long-lost siblings, she says, in Mandarin:

Wo shi nimende meimei!

At the time, I had been studying Chinese for all of two months. But I easily understood what June was saying:

I am your younger sister!

That got me to thinking. How would you say that same sentence in Korean? I had gone to Korean school on and off for six years. I took two years of college Korean. I spent a summer in Korea. But I had no idea how to say this simple sentence.

So I did what any other Korean American would do. I called my mother.

Hey, mom, how would you say in Korean: “I am your younger sister?”

My mother thought about it for a few seconds. She made a couple of false starts, and then finally said, with some irritation:

Why would anyone want to say that, anyway?

She explained that it was a highly unnatural situation, and that there wasn’t any literal translation of the sentence into Korean that didn’t sound totally weird to her. The best she could come up with was: “Sisters, it’s me.”

Years later, I told the story to a friend of mine, who is a college professor (non-Korean).

Intrigued, he related the story to one of his Korean students, who scoffed at the notion that the sentence could not be translated into his native language.

My professor friend then asked his student to write the Korean translation onto a piece of paper so he could show it to me. The student quickly complied with a flourish and handed the paper over.

A moment later, the student asked for the paper back, scratched out what he had written, and then wrote a second sentence. He stared at what he had written for a few seconds, scowled, and then finally crumpled it up and put it into his pocket. So much for linguistic universalism.

All I can say is that I hope that I’m not going to be meeting any long-lost siblings the next time I visit Korea…

The Joy Luck Club: "Hey, guys, it's me!"

Mind-Blowing Software

December 10th, 2010

It’s called TimeSnapper, and you can download a copy from www.timesnapper.com (Windows only, I’m afraid).  There’s a free version, and a paid version. (The paid version comes with a 30-day trial period.)

TimeSnapper runs in the background and takes a picture of your monitor at a selected time interval (say, every 10 seconds). The images are stored on your hard drive, to be played back as needed. You can protect your images with a password, which is highly recommended at work or at any computer that someone else has access to.

What on earth do you need this for? Consider:

  1. I’ve had jobs where I’ve had to keep track of my time for billing purposes. TimeSnapper makes an impossibly tedious chore way easier. (Although it will also provide indisputable evidence of how much time you really spend on eBay.) TimeSnapper can store a month or more of images.
  2. Have you ever jumped from screen to screen only to find yourself unable to retrace your steps to find something that you really need? With TimeSnapper, it only takes seconds to blitz through hours of screen time.
  3. Have you ever forgotten to save a document?  With TimeSnapper, you can reconstruct just about anything that has appeared on your computer screen.
  4. Have you ever wondered where the day has gone? Just click on a couple of buttons, and you can replay the day or week at high speed.
  5. If you have a problem with software, or if your computer is attacked by malware, you can see exactly what happened before disaster struck.
  6. You can also use TimeSnapper to see whether anyone else has been using your computer, and what they’ve been doing.

There are also some fun uses for the software:

  1. I often work with an online TV show playing the background. If I turn on the subtitles (if available), I can use TimeSnapper to quickly go back and catch up on stuff I may have missed.
  2. If you play games on your computer, you can use TimeSnapper to review your gameplay.
  3. If you’re learning how to do something new on your computer, TimeSnapper will create a useful record that you can use as a reference.

I should note that TimeSnapper could also be used for nefarious purposes.  All I can say is that what goes around comes around.  (Speaking of which, you might want to take a look at your work computer to make sure someone else isn’t already spying on you…)

If I knew I had only one year to live…

November 30th, 2010

If I knew that I had only one year to live, I’d spend it on the phone helping my father-in-law with his computer.

First, it would make one year feel like five.  Maybe ten.

And second, as the end of the year approached, I would be ecstatic.

Typical exchange:

Me:  Okay, now hit the “Enter” key.

Father-in-Law:  What key?

Me:  The “Enter” key.

FIL:  What?

Me:  You know, the “Enter” key!  The key with the bent arrow!  I’m sure you have one on your keyboard!

FIL (after a pause):  No, I don’t.

What makes it really sad is that my father-in-law is a retired engineer.

Tony Robbins, Eat Your Heart Out!

November 6th, 2010

I was playing Rock Band (Beatles Edition) on the Wii with my 7-year old daughter.  I was on guitar, and she was on vocals.

We did “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” and my daughter scored a 96.

We did the song a second time, and my daughter again scored a 96.

“Hmm,” my daughter said.  “I guess it only goes up to 96.”

Just wait till you have children of your own…

October 25th, 2010

Last night, I was driving back to New Jersey with my wife and children after a visit to my parents, who live in a New York City suburb.

The cell phone rings.  It’s my mom, who says that we left something behind — my daughter’s reading folder for school.  My wife tells my mom to mail it to us.

After the phone call ends, my daughter is distraught:

When are we going to get the folder?

Probably Wednesday or Thursday.  It might come as soon as Tuesday.

(bursting into tears) But we’re supposed to bring the reading folder to school every day.

I’m sure you’re teacher will understand.

But we’re supposed to bring it every day!

So I end up dropping everyone off at the bus station, and I drive back to my parents’ house to get the folder.

As I’m driving, I’m thinking to myself — why am I driving an extra two hours when I’m positive that the teacher won’t care one way or the other if my daughter has her reading folder?

And it dawns on me:

I’m driving two hours to get the reading folder because I know that my own dad wouldn’t have done the same thing for me when I was seven years old.

Sometimes two hours goes by faster than you’d think…

Beyond Crazy…

October 19th, 2010

Sharron Angle, Nevada Tea Party candidate for the U.S. Senate, says that she has been called “Nevada’s first Asian legislator.”

Ms. Angle is white.  (She’s also nuts, if the “liberal” media is to be believed.)

I suppose that if, by claiming to be Asian, Ms. Angle meant that she is prone to saying weird, inappropriate things in a lame attempt to get people to like her, I might be willing to go along with her…

In the same video, Ms. Angle tells a group of Hispanic students that some of them look more Asian than Hispanic:

Geek Tip — Don’t Use Periods in File Names!

October 7th, 2010

To quote Chris Rock:  “Just because you can do something doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea!”

Some years ago, I started using periods in file names, because I thought it was a neat way to keep my hard drive organized.  For example, I might give an Excel spreadsheet a name like:  TY2010.Form1040.ScheduleC.xls

Well, today I found out the downside.

It turns out that some email servers freak out when they see an attachment with multiple periods.  These servers assume that the multiple periods are being used to disguise a harmful extension (like .exe), and the email will be killed in transit.  The receiver will not get any notice that an email was sent, and the sender will not get any notice that the email was killed.

So, a word to the wise — don’t use periods!  (You can use “-” or “_” instead.)

Shame

September 29th, 2010

Multiple-choice question for male college students:

It’s your freshman year.  It turns out that your roommate is gay.  What’s more, he regularly asks you to vacate the room so that he can spend some alone time with other men.  What would you do?

Would you:

  • (a) Say yes, since you figure you’re going to need the room yourself when you find that special someone.
  • (b) Work out some ground rules to minimize any inconvenience to you.
  • (c) Find a different roommate.
  • (d) Go along grudgingly but let your anger build until, finally, you and a female friend decide that it’s totally okay to set up a hidden video camera in the room in order to broadcast a live stream of your roommate having sex with another man, which is, like, way cool until your roommate finds out and kills himself.

The whole thing is so lurid and sad that I’m not going to post a link.

There’s an Asian angle to the story — the roommate with the camera has an Indian surname, and his female friend has a Chinese surname.  They have each been charged with invasion of privacy, a felony with a prison term of up to five years.

Lessons from Korean Soap Operas

September 24th, 2010
  1. If you’re a Korean woman, you are either going to have zero or two men chasing after you.
  2. If you have sex before you get married, you are guaranteed to get pregnant.  (Unless it is vitally important for you to have a child.  In that case, you will be unable to conceive.)
  3. Korean parents yell at and hit their adult children an awful lot.
  4. If you meet the love of your life, one or both of your parents is going to yell at you or hit you.
  5. Once you meet the love of your life, one of you is going to be in a serious accident and spend a significant amount of time in the hospital.
  6. It’s totally okay for a man to be an insane jerk to the woman he loves, because everything will be okay after he kisses her against her will.
  7. Every insane jerk has a deep dark secret involving the death of a loved one, a miserable childhood, a heinous crime committed by a parent, or some combination thereof.
  8. Rich people are unbelievably evil — but everyone sucks up to them anyway.
  9. If you aren’t unbelievably thin, you had better be old and funny.
  10. Virtue is rewarded, and evil is punished.  (But it takes at least 16 1-hour episodes for that to happen.)

Winter Sonata
A Happy Moment before the Inevitable…

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

September 15th, 2010

I just broke up with my dentist of over 10 years.

He’s a good dentist — my teeth are in great shape.  Plus, he’s got all the latest toys, including an HDTV you can watch while he’s drilling.  But over the years, I got more and more turned off by his business practices.  (I won’t bore you with the details.)  Last night I decided that I was going to call my dentist this morning to cancel my appointment next week, and to ask for a return of the advance fee that I had paid by credit card.

The thought of calling his office to end our relationship sent me into a near panic:

What if he asks me why?  How much of a reason is he entitled to?  How much of a reason am I prepared to give him?  What if he won’t return my advance payment?  What if he returns the payment, but charges an administrative fee?  What’s going to happen with my dental records?  What if he blacklists me with all the other dentists?

But deep down, I knew that the real problem was one that IMHO is fairly common among geeky Asians — in dealing with other people, I’m a doormat.  I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t say anything and hopes things will get better by themselves.

Well, to be more precise, I’m a doormat most of the time.  Then, when the anger and resentment reaches a certain point, I become a flaming a**hole.   I’ve got almost nothing in between.

After all of the anxiety, the call to the dentist’s office turned out to be a non-event.  The office assistant who answered the phone said that my advance payment would be returned via credit card.  And she didn’t express the slightest bit of curiosity as to why I wanted to change dentists.

I have to confess that I’m experiencing something akin to disappointment.  Is it possible that part of me enjoys being a flaming a**hole?  I’ll have to get back to you on that one…